What is with the fruit flies anyway?

Okay, so I rarely eat fruit, I don't like sour. I like the idea of eating fruit, it all seems so exotic, but it rots in my house and then I get the fruit flies. I am now no longer in denial , I am not a fruit eater. I am a carnivore... that doesn't attract fruit flies, just their maggoty cousins. Anyhow, As I'm writing this my new kitten is playing with his new found friends, the facking fruit flies (I say facking beacuse it somehow seems less vulgar... something I'm so concerned about...seeming facking vulgar! Please. There's another one that landed on my damn screen. So, I have no fruit and am wondering what is feeding them., Perhaps I've just become wildly mad and they are merely nastly little figments of my imaginations... but would you still be able to kill them with your bare hands? Larry the kitten has fallen to sleep here beside me.

So, Larry (the kitten) is actually a girl we have discovered. I took my sisters word for it that he was a he without even checking. It looks like a boy. It is black and white anfd masculine looking... but as my five year old pointed out..."He has no penis". I agree but you can't see cat's penis's unless they are really happy to see you. But they do have a furry fuzzy circle around their penis hole (for lack of better teachnical language)... This I know from having many litters of kittens as a child. We had Tigger the wonder cat who could have dubbed in the old birthing lady from Monty Python's Meaning of Life. She had 20 litters of kittens before getting fixed... I mean really what was the point? Anyway, I never checked the cat's anatomy before scooping up the nocturnal furry little bastard. My husband tried to tell me that maybe his gonads hadn't dropped yet... come on man, really... no Larry is a girl.

And here I am revisiting my blog after a long hiatus. Tomorrow is Friday and then comes the weeksnd! Yay! I'm strangely home alone and hope I can wake up without an alarm... who am I kidding, Larry the fruit fly lover will wake me up... I mean if you can't count on Larry, what the hell?!

"long time, no post, but ah the Christmas season"

So, I just finished a longer than expected e-mail to my best friend in Toronto and find myself here at 12:49 am writing on my very neglected blog. I refuse to feel guilty about it, or take on one more ounce of expectation / obligation in my life. I am torn between writing in my blog or saving it all for my best seller book. But, the snoring husband beside me had just stopped snoring and I may need to abort this blogging mission. I really should take my very crippled body to bed thanks to that rich bitch Jillian Michaels. I now have our German exchange student hating her too... we are on day two of the 30 day shred. But when I have more time, I'll share some Christmas eve advice and the three fish funeral. Who needs sleep though... it's over reated... I mean... what the hell?

technologically challenged

So, I'm new at this post thing and stunned as me arse too... I wrote the following post and it was supposed to go as a blog and ended up in my comment section. Being a tecno spaz is not easy... but that's a whole different post...

Okay, so why is it that I promise myself in the morning that I will go to bed earlier as I roll my sorry ass into the day, but by the time night rolls around it's all systems go? What the hell is that? Am I killing what prescious brain cells I have left that haven't been transferred to my children. Yeah, all you mothers know what I mean. The brain drain starts when the sperm meets the egg and it is a steady oozing of clarity and focus. I had a meeting with a woman this week (had never met her before) and she seemed really spaced out... then she told me she was pregnant (it was not obvious... I've actually come to ignoring commenting on seemingly pregnant women due to my footinmouth disease)... not only that but she already had two pre school aged children at home. Commendable to even try to use her brain for anything else really.
And while I'm rambling, I'm looking at my previous post time - can anyone tell me why it seems that I am living in a time warp? It seems to be 4 hours behind? How can I claim to be up late if it is only 8:30pm posted on my blog (je ne sais pas mon ami) I mean it seems quite odd to be ranting about the suppertime crazies when my blog is claiming it is only after lunch. I mean... what the hell? I certainly don't want to fool my one and only follower... who I might add can verify the time issue as she was present for the blogfest supper shit show.
Well, I'm off to cuddle with my furry friend who is not allowed on my bed most days, but when the other half is away,on the bed the dog will stay... besides he definitely does not store as loud.

my first post

Sooo.... my bff talked me into creating a blog because i amuse her with my stories and she said the world needed to hear them. and she needed some support and couldn't carry the load alone...so all this being done, while cooking three different meals for us, my kids,  hers (the gremlins)....there's no way in hell we're eating what we're feeding them.   All this while choking back smoke from one of the burning meals whilst my babysitter leaves under the distressing sound of the smoke alarm and an even more distressing eye from her which clearly states: "should I go? Will the children be okay while I'm gone" (... wait, isn't that what I'm supposed to be wondering?) All this in my tired kitchen that could win world's ugliest awards - ophhhh this is going to be fun. But I digress. Okay, seriously, I am getting hungry and my bff has gratefully taken over, and I might add she is a serious food conniseur - so, there is hope for the KD. Really, food is over rated... I mean, what the hell?